inthedougout

Have you ever thought that failure is really just a matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time?  To a certain extent, I think there's a lot of truth to that, but there's a ton to unpack with that.  If we fail because we were in the wrong place at the wrong time, does it mean that everything else was "right?"  Probably not.  Blaming things on the circumstances may blind us to defects or deficiencies in our own process and state of being.  What does that mean?  It means don't blame some outside force for your circumstance - if you failed, you failed.  It does not matter when it happened.  Sure, you could have had some bad luck but blaming luck will not give you the kick-in-the-ass that you need to get that ass in gear.  Let's dig in a little bit. Some people call life a canvass. As you paint with your brush, sometimes the bristles of the brush do exactly as you want.  Other times, the brush wreaks havoc - it operates almost as if...

I have no doubt that, every day, you are bombarded with decisions that force you to think about who to disappoint, who to upset, and who to please. It's not that you go out of your way to think about these things, but you realize that no matter what you do, there will be somebody affected.  Someone will be upset, someone will be disappointed, and maybe (though not likely to be you), someone will be pleased.  If you couldn't tell by now, this is going to be a lesson in better decision-making.  And in doing so, we are going to shed some baggage that we have accumulated along the way. If you have never heard of the term "analysis paralysis," it essentially means being frozen and unable to make a decision.  We spin the different possibilities endlessly until we can't figure out one option from another.  Often, we have difficulty making decisions not because of the decision to be made, but how we think the decision will impact certain people.   We do this m...

 This is a bit of a detour from our usual programming, but a worthwhile journey - I promise. Much of the reason I write about failure is that it's a condition of loneliness.  Failure feels - and is - very, very personal.   Because of how personal it is, failure feels unique to you and only you.  Because of that, failure is really just an expression of loneliness.  One of the reasons it feels so painful is because we feel alone, and potentially lost, in our feelings.  That's not a great place to be. Because of that experience, I have decided to write this book.  I am aware that one day, I won't be on this earth.  The thought depresses the hell out of me, but I've tried to not dwell.  We are human and this is, after all, the human existence (lifecycles of birth, living, and death).   That said, while I am on this damn earth, I will make the most of it.  One of the ways I have decided to make the most of it is by writing this...

 In the middle of my career, I kept running into roadblocks, potholes, and speedbumps.  To be clear, I wasn't really doing anything differently than I had done in the past 5 years.  From a psychological perspective, I sort of expected my continued hard work and commitment to just show up later as being rewarded.  Well, I am here to tell you that it was not.  You already knew that because you're probably a lot like me.  You've been doing the same thing - possibly very well - for the past several years and just not getting through that barrier.   The beginning of my career was fun.  Things came easy.  I had tasks and milestones.  I was a technical person.  I did technical things and I did them well.  The "elder" crew loved my willingness to take on tasks and crush them.  Little did I realize, that elder crew was likely assigning me small little tasks that were beneficial to them in their larger scheme project (put a pin...

Time for a pop quiz: how did you fail today?  What sucked today?  And what did you do about it? Failure for me, today, was having a migraine strike and figuring out what to do about it.  I'm the type of person that doesn't like to stop - for anything, not even a migraine.  I get frustrated by inactivity and not being productive.  Not because I am part of some machine that has brainwashed or forced me to work when I am not my best.  It's because I am too damn proud.  And it's possible that my pride and stubbornness was my failure for today. Sometimes our body provides the signal our brain is ignoring.   The science is either emerging or simply becoming more clear, but there is a connection between the mind and body.  That connection is the vessel for communicating all sorts of things - happiness, distress, contentment, and so forth.  The body is an excellent teacher, if we let it. There's a fine line between ignoring the warning ligh...

I often like to ruminate.  I find it sort of fun, kind of like a sick, tortured hobby.  I sometimes take ideas and run them into the ground.  And yes, sometimes these are good ideas and other times, bad ideas.   Rumination most often fails to end well, however.  Rumination can quickly turn into unbounded worry.  And endless worry wreaks havoc on your mental state, physical state, and emotional state.  We always need to be mindful of pushing and pulling the different levers... such as "let yourself feel the emotion," but let's be realistic: not for too long. When I find myself in a "worry spiral," it usually takes me a few moments, or days, before I catch myself and realize this incredibly helpful mantra: do not worry alone.   In that same vein, why fail alone? Tonight, at the dinner table, my wife put this idea into practice.  She asked each of us to describe "how did we fail today?"  This was, of course, not an invitation for ...