inthedougout

This is officially a call to action: fail more. Do you ever feel like you're afraid to lose or fail?  Do you think that fear prevents you from doing things that you want to do? The answer to both of those questions - for nearly every segment of our population - is yes. They have been a resounding "yes" for me and for the vast majority of my life.  What's interesting is that, as a child, I was less fearful.  Part of that was knowing that I had some semblance of a support system to catch me when I fell.  My parents weren't always there for me - with all respect to them and their own struggles - but I knew there were certain teachers I could call upon if needed. When we get older, we become that trusted adult for others, but what happens when we still need those trusted adults and mentors in our life?  For me, I reached a point where the torch was handed off to me, but I was not done needing help, myself.   In the process, I tripped over myself figuring o...

The first chunk of my life was dictated for me.  I went to school and I was told what to do in school.  I got a job and I was told what to do at that job.  I went to college and I was told what to do in college.  I found a better job and I was told to do in that job.   My success in those different contexts was some milestone, goal, or achievement that was given to me by those different contexts.  I didn't have to think about what the goal was - it was merely given to me.  In some sense, that's great - I appreciate that someone was training me. But the problem is that no one told me that I was merely being trained.  Without necessary communication and context, I kept drifting through the days thinking another goal or milestone would magically appear. Well, it didn't.  And it took me a few years to figure this out - more than I'd like.   What did I learn in the process? That you must set those goals for yourself - even if those ...

An ode to failure: Roses are red, violets are blue,  I face-planted hard, my pain was due.  My grand visions, gone and unjust,  My carefully laid plans, turned entirely to dust. The truth: we must learn to love failure.  If you don't love failure, you most certainly won't love the success that comes in the second part of your story.  As you figure out what it is you love, why not love all of it?

Have you ever thought that failure is really just a matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time?  To a certain extent, I think there's a lot of truth to that, but there's a ton to unpack with that.  If we fail because we were in the wrong place at the wrong time, does it mean that everything else was "right?"  Probably not.  Blaming things on the circumstances may blind us to defects or deficiencies in our own process and state of being.  What does that mean?  It means don't blame some outside force for your circumstance - if you failed, you failed.  It does not matter when it happened.  Sure, you could have had some bad luck but blaming luck will not give you the kick-in-the-ass that you need to get that ass in gear.  Let's dig in a little bit. Some people call life a canvass. As you paint with your brush, sometimes the bristles of the brush do exactly as you want.  Other times, the brush wreaks havoc - it operates almost as if...

I have no doubt that, every day, you are bombarded with decisions that force you to think about who to disappoint, who to upset, and who to please. It's not that you go out of your way to think about these things, but you realize that no matter what you do, there will be somebody affected.  Someone will be upset, someone will be disappointed, and maybe (though not likely to be you), someone will be pleased.  If you couldn't tell by now, this is going to be a lesson in better decision-making.  And in doing so, we are going to shed some baggage that we have accumulated along the way. If you have never heard of the term "analysis paralysis," it essentially means being frozen and unable to make a decision.  We spin the different possibilities endlessly until we can't figure out one option from another.  Often, we have difficulty making decisions not because of the decision to be made, but how we think the decision will impact certain people.   We do this m...

 This is a bit of a detour from our usual programming, but a worthwhile journey - I promise. Much of the reason I write about failure is that it's a condition of loneliness.  Failure feels - and is - very, very personal.   Because of how personal it is, failure feels unique to you and only you.  Because of that, failure is really just an expression of loneliness.  One of the reasons it feels so painful is because we feel alone, and potentially lost, in our feelings.  That's not a great place to be. Because of that experience, I have decided to write this book.  I am aware that one day, I won't be on this earth.  The thought depresses the hell out of me, but I've tried to not dwell.  We are human and this is, after all, the human existence (lifecycles of birth, living, and death).   That said, while I am on this damn earth, I will make the most of it.  One of the ways I have decided to make the most of it is by writing this...