Stress is inevitable. What an obvious statement to make, right? But it's true. Avoiding stress is like avoiding oxygen; stress will always exist in some shape or form. If you want to find stress, you won't have to look too far. Your email inbox. Your news outlet. Your social media feed. Even thinking about this is kind of stressful, in and of itself. What exactly is the solution, then?
At the risk of oversimplifying this, and to be sure, this doesn't apply universally, but: stress doesn't just "go away" with a new situation or circumstance. New situations and circumstances bring new and different stressors. Maybe your boss was a d*ck at your old job, but in your new digs, your new co-worker is pretty jealous of your new position and is determined to bring you down a peg. Or maybe you weren't satisfied with your kid's school and the quality of the education, so you moved to a new school only to see your child bullied.
Or sometimes, it's that we just have a way of finding the stress, even if it doesn't present itself externally. For example, if you're "wired" for stress, it really doesn't matter whether you're living in a tiny house in some remote location or the CEO of a company on Wall Street. In many ways, we're pretty smart about choosing the type of stress we want and how much we choose to stress.
The focus of this particular post is to learn how to be aware that we are doing this. Here are a few thoughts and strategies that helped me personally.
1. I can't give you a list of ways to reduce stress. They exist already. Meditate. Move more. Eat less shit. Maybe consider fasting. Get off your phone. You know all of this. But it is only during those moments of clarity -- as rare as they can be -- that maybe things are getting beyond your grasp and you decide to fix your sh-t. Two thoughts. Try not waiting until the wheels fall off to employ some of those ideas. Don't do them all, but maybe one that feels easy? Second, remember that you're going to be okay. Again, you aren't going to ever find a stress-free life. Just the opposite: this stress is here and it's going to teach you a lesson or two, if you will let it.
2. It is foolish to think you can make your stress go away. Stress is inextricably woven into the fabric of our lives these days. There's really no "escaping it" and so that's the first step: acknowledging that there is no such thing as a "stress-free" circumstance. With that framework, we can learn to expect stressful situations and be less surprised by their very existence. Pause here for a moment. This is pretty empowering if you think about it. You're a go-getter, a do-gooder, and someone out there doing things in life. What were you doing expecting that there wouldn't be stress to go along with all of that success? Let the stress join you for the ride as you keep moving towards your next successes.
3. It kind of depends on who you are and what you want. What a cop-out, huh? Well, for some of us, we relish going headfirst into the storm and proving to ourselves that we can come out of it. For others, what's important is that you detach yourself from the stressor and focus on the other parts of your life that bring you joy. Both work and maybe you even employ both strategies simultaneously. But part of this has to come from you: you have the awareness and tools to identify the stressors and know which strategy to employ.