Recently, it feels like I am engulfed in failure. The flames of failure completely surround me. I feel charred - that burnt-to-a-crisp feeling. There is no amount of ketchup or sauce that can save this meal.
I will likely split this into multiple parts, but today, I will focus most heavily on initial reactions to failure, particularly in those first
1) So much of internal failure is really the blunt force of external factors. I may have to harp on this point a few times, re-stating it in enough different ways that it will eventually make sense. When we fail, it feels like it is about something inside of us that failed. It's not. Sure, maybe we weren't as good as another candidate, but it doesn't mean that we - or anything embedded within us - failed. Separate the external event from you, the person. You are not a failure even if your mission failed.
2) You get up the next day. In some ways, nothing changes about the next day - you brush your teeth. You put your shoes on, just the same. You have dinner with your family. You show up. In fact, almost most of the day would look the exact same - whether you won or failed. Or at least it should. You should show up that next day.
3) Let it fuel you to do something. Speaking of that next day, do something. You can spend some amount of time wallowing in your feels, but don't spend too much time in it. Make a plan to get out of it. In fact, I would argue that you shouldn't make a plan. That just leaves you in the same space - the right thing to do is just act towards something positive, something constructive. You have to remind yourself that you are, indeed, an absolute bad ass.
Full disclosure: I am writing this on the heels of a somewhat significant failure. It was tough to write this. It was tough to get going. It was tough to accept the feelings. But I can walk and chew gum at the same time. Within me, I can allow both feelings of failure and pride to swirl together. I can feel somewhat charred, but also inspired simultaneously.
In many ways, I feel like the Buffalo Bills from the early 1990s. For those of you not steeped in the machinations of football 30 years ago, the Buffalo Bills made the Super Bowl four straight years. They left that circumstance with zero wins. Let that sink in - they endured four consecutive years of tremendous success. Making the Super Bowl is no insignificant event. It requires days, weeks, and months of success. But for the duration of history, they'll always be known as the team that couldn't make it happen. They didn't leave as champions. They give us - quite literally - the greatest example of unresolved success and failure. They were - without a doubt - an incredibly successful franchise. Literally the best team in their own conference. But for four straight years, they couldn't beat the team from the other conference that would have rendered them a champion. Sometimes it's going to be like that. You can do all the right things, practice in a championship-like manner, but at the end - not get the ultimate trophy.
And as much as that sucks, that's life. You endure. You show up the next day. You wake up, you do something. Because while you may have failed, you are not a failure.