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Pillars of failure: letting go. How to let go (and most importantly, why).

I have no doubt that, every day, you are bombarded with decisions that force you to think about who to disappoint, who to upset, and who to please.

It's not that you go out of your way to think about these things, but you realize that no matter what you do, there will be somebody affected.  Someone will be upset, someone will be disappointed, and maybe (though not likely to be you), someone will be pleased.  If you couldn't tell by now, this is going to be a lesson in better decision-making.  And in doing so, we are going to shed some baggage that we have accumulated along the way.

If you have never heard of the term "analysis paralysis," it essentially means being frozen and unable to make a decision.  We spin the different possibilities endlessly until we can't figure out one option from another.  Often, we have difficulty making decisions not because of the decision to be made, but how we think the decision will impact certain people.  

We do this more often than we think and often, subconsciously (so, you know, without really thinking about it).  It is the emotional red tape that we have difficulty cutting through.  We worry that we are making one person happy at the expense of the other.  Or sometimes we worry about how we can make a decision that leaves everyone collectively "okay" with the decision.  

The problem is that it is a fools-errand.  Why is it your job to police someone else's emotion and who made it your job?  I think, when making a decision, you basically have two things - explain yourself as best you can, depending on the context, and second, you can acknowledge how you think that might make the other person feel.

That said, you do not need to "apologize" or say "I am sorry" when making decisions. You must let go of feeling responsible for managing someone else's emotional well-being.  Also, you may want to ask yourself why you elevated yourself to having some sort of authority over someone else's emotions?  I mean, sure, maybe someone will scoff for a moment, but is that really a big deal?  No.  And you don't need to spin your wheels trying to avoid it.

Let go.  Let it go.  Let it be.  

Let's take a lower stakes example.  Let's say you are in a relationship and you can only choose one family's home to attend for a particular holiday.  It is not your job to prevent someone from disappointed.  Shouldn't they be allowed to feel that?  Isn't it a good thing that they feel that way?  

The point here is that when you try to soften someone else's emotions, you might blunt the actual signal being sent.  You should want to know if that other family is upset or disappointed.  It is good information and depriving them of that feeling, or opportunity to feel a certain way, is not your job.  Far from it.  Your only job is to make a reasonable decision, possibly given some reasonable amount of explanation, acknowledge the situation, and then move on with your life.

Lets put it this way.  If the other family wasn't upset, wouldn't you want to know that?  Maybe next time, you won't really worry or think so much about it.  Maybe you won't let that decision hold your emotional wellbeing hostage.

To be clear, this is not a "I am going to do whatever I want" message.  You should do what you think makes the most sense.  You should explain it.  You should acknowledge it.  And then you see how it was received.  Was it received well, poorly, or so forth.  It is purely information that you assess going into the next decision.

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